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On Beauty

Okay, this has nothing to do with writing, copywriting, even reading (though I have given it the same title as a lovely book by Zadie Smith).  But it’s FASHION WEEK.  Besides, no one wants to read and write about reading and writing all the time.

Fashion, on the other hand, is terrifying exciting. Take Karl Lagerfeld’s show:  leather, apparently, is IN (Oh God, Oh God–massive rush for gym membership, detox drinks, slimline tonic).

In the midst of ensuing panic, however, I had a moment of clarity.


Time spent in misery in an effort to attain beauty:

  • 30min/day running (in crappy, cold, London mist)
  • 30min/day toning (ugh, ugh, sit-ups: very miserable)
  • 30min/day doing make-up (mascara in eye, ouch!)
  • 15min/day doing hair
  • 15min/week waxing (1 hour every 4 weeks–though should count double as very, very painful = extreme misery)
  • 3hr/day wishing could have cake but too many calories (actual number much higher but rounding down)
  • 15min/day eating rice cakes and celery instead of big cheesy pizza

Total: 35hrs,15min per week of misery

Time spent enjoying beauty:

  • 30min/day looking in mirror (though shouldn’t count really, as imagine most of this would be while putting on make-up)
  • 30min/week enjoying compliment about said beauty (estimate)

Total: 4 hours/week of enjoyment

Grand Total:

  • 35+ hours per week of misery trying to attain beauty
  • 4 hours per week enjoying beauty

Conclusion: Beautiful people are stupid.

Hah!  Take that Paris Fashion Week!

Am off to stuff my face with pizza, cake, and ice cream in celebration of intellectual superiority (because, clearly, it follows that the reverse must also be true…)

  1. Lua
    March 9, 2010 at 7:37 am

    :)My jaw hurts form laughing!!!
    You are so right! I can’t agree with you more on your conclusion and I would like to add all those money I’ve spent to those gym memberships ever year to ease my conscience but only visit two or three times, take a look at the treadmills and go straight to the SPA section haha 🙂
    Leather, really?
    How Lovely!

  2. March 10, 2010 at 12:03 am

    Leather. Really. The horror!

    Thank you for pointing out that I’ve missed not only the gym membership, but also the financial ruin caused by the effort to attain beauty (make-up, blemish creams, anti-aging creams, clothes, green tea–apparently this helps you lose weight, etc., etc.)

    And there’s nothing wrong with going straight to the spa! You’ve made it to the gym! The achievement! Reward yourself with a piece of chocolate cake!

  3. March 10, 2010 at 5:51 am

    HAH. Stupid, beautiful people. (That almost sounds like a really good indie band.) Also, what is this make-up and exercise of which you speak?! When will people learn: get married at 19 and be done with it. (HAHAHAHA. ahem.)

  4. March 10, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    Sadly, your advice comes to me far too late.

    Am off to console myself with digestive biscuits.

  5. March 11, 2010 at 12:23 am

    Digestives! I remember the first time I saw that printed on a bag of supposedly edible cookies when I first moved to the UK. It made me think of my own internal processes. I did not buy them. 🙂

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