Home > MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!, writing > OH MY GOD I HAVE NO INTERNET!

OH MY GOD I HAVE NO INTERNET!

Okay, so obviously I have internet NOW, but I was without for a while and had to console myself by writing this OFFLINE in WORD:

OH MY GOD I HAVE NO INTERNET!  I don’t know how I am going to survive I cannot do anything when I am not on the internet.  I can’t even write stuff because I need the INTERNET to research stuff to write about.

HOW DID ANYONE SURVIVE BEFORE INTERNET?

MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!!

I believe these pre-internet beings (PIB) went to an ancient construction located in a central area accessible to all the PIBs in the tribe.  This primitive construction housed the history, the secrets, even the stories of their ancestors.   This construction was known as a Library.

The PIBs would gather reverently in the library to learn the secrets of generations.  It was a place of honour and respect.  Talking, laughing, and loud noises of any kind were strictly forbidden.  Special elders of the tribe would preside over the Library and swiftly punish any who failed to respect this holy place.  These elders were known as Librarians.

Librarians were keepers of much wisdom, and were revered among the tribe.  The librarians were responsible for many great teachings, and also held the key to ancient recordings of the history and stories of the PIB tribe.  All the ancient stories were documented into separate clusters of parchment and passed down through the generations.  These recordings were known as Books.

Books came in many forms.  Some documented the history of the tribe.  These were called Encyclopaedias.  Some kept record of the tribal language.  These were called Dictionaries.  Some told of the history of the chiefs, elders, and significant tribal members.  These were known as Biographies.  Others told of the myths and legends of the tribe.  These were known as Novels.

And all the PIBs dedicated themselves to writing and reading these books, which held the secret to both their past and their future.

And one day the peaceful lives of the PIBs were interrupted by the news of a new invention that would allow them to get all this history, all this knowledge, all these stories, without ever leaving their own dwelling.  Internet.

But instead of using internet to spread their knowledge, the IBs (Internet Beings) used the new invention to watch videos of cats playing the piano.

This is why my manuscript is only half-finished.  Stupid Internet.  I vow that from now on I will turn off my browser and work seriously on—

Oh goodie!  Internet’s back!  I wonder if anyone’s posted any good cat videos on YouTube lately…

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  1. Lua
    June 21, 2010 at 7:53 am

    “HOW DID ANYONE SURVIVE BEFORE INTERNET?”
    I have NO idea!! Seriously- when I lose my connection for like 5 seconds, I panic!! 🙂 but PIB’s had it good too- there is no place like the library… But you can’t go to the library in your pajamas now, can you?
    Off I go to check out those cat videos now… 🙂

    • June 23, 2010 at 10:13 pm

      Haha…too true. How’d you get on with the cat videos? Did you see standing cat. Standing cat is amazing!

  2. June 21, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Hahahaha! Very creative! Such a good laugh and look back to the Dark Ages! lol

  3. June 23, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Can you imagine the pre-internet times? What a struggle. And no cute, funny standing cats to lighten the mood!

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