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You know when you’re proofing your MS…

March 5, 2011 1 comment

…and then you decide to change one tiny little detail?

…and then you realise that tiny little detail affects basically EVERY SINGLE THING that you have written after that tiny little detail (did I mention it was a TINY detail)?

…and then while you’re fixing everything that comes after said tiny little detail, you notice that there’s another tiny little detail that also needs changing, but the you need to go and re-fix everything that you’ve ALREADY FIXED?

…and then it occurs to you that you could have written an ENTIRELY NEW MS in less time then it’s sodding taking you to PROOF the old one?

…and then you have a MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!!

You know?

Well, I definitely know.

Just sayin.

Pre-Resolutions

December 1, 2010 5 comments

So, beloved Rejectionist is holding a Participatory Self-Actualization Opportunity, otherwise known as a pre-resolution un-contest!  Hooray!  December resolution goodness!  Here are resolutions for ABlankWhitePage (ABWP):

1) ABWP will stop worrying about what others think of her (this is SO SO HARD you have no idea how much TIME and EFFORT ABWP spends worrying about what others think of her WRITING, her COMMENTS, her PHONE CALLS, even her CLOTHES.

2) ABWP will write at least 1 post a week (stop laughing Blogger-friends)

3) ABWP will be more honest: she will write what she wants EVEN IF IT OFFENDS PEOPLE, and wear what she wants (thank God she works as a copywriter), and BE HERSELF and if people don’t like who she honestly is THEY CAN JUST SOD OFF

4) ABWP will finish editing her MS (OH GOD SO MUCH STILL TO CHANGE AND REWRITE IS DAUNTING AND OVERWHELMING AND SHE HAS NEW DAY JOB AND NEEDS TO IMPRESS BOSS DO HER BEST…BUT SHE WILL NOT NEGLECT HER MS OR WIP because they MEAN MORE to her than AD COPY even if ad copy is mostly for good charities)

5) ABWP will spend at least 7 hours a week on non-work related writing EMAILS DO NOT COUNT for ABWP, but BLOG POSTS DO

6) ABWP will not make decisions based on fear, and if she is scared to do something but knows it would be good for her SHE WILL DO IT, BALLS TO THE WALLS

7) ABWP will acknowledge DAILY that she is an amazing WRITER, an amazing WOMAN, an amazing FRIEND, and an amazing PERSON, and she will stop feeling that she is NOT GOOD ENOUGH to get anything that she wants.

8) ABWP will not procrastinate

9) ABWP will email her amazing mother (who will pass news on to her father) at least ONCE A WEEK (and will start saving pennies so she can fly home to visit)

10) ABWP will limit MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSIONS to one a day wherever possible

And what of you Blogger-friends?

In which ABWP gets “under the weather”

September 15, 2010 6 comments

So I’ve been a bit under the weather (which is not an excuse for not blogging more, but rather a fact).  Mostly I’ve had this hacking cough that makes me sound like a 50-something male smoker (which, for the record, I am not) but I gamely went into work (because being sick is for sissies).

For the record, I do not get “sick.”  I am occasionally “under the weather.”

And then my boss said something about it being bronchial, which it totally wasn’t because that makes it sound like a proper disease, and I do not get sick.  I denied this vehemently.  But apparently you can take something called colloidal silver which helps loads.

But then I googled it and found this, so I decided not to take it because I don’t want to be blue.

Besides, I wasn’t even sick.  But on my way home I passed a homeless guy who asked everyone for money (as they do). Except when I passed him all he said was “You’ve got Bronchitis, Luv.” Like he felt so sorry for me that he didn’t even want my change, and I would have had a MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!! except that I was so clogged up my head wouldn’t explode.

And then the next day my boss told me to stop being a martyr and go home, so I did.  Humph.  I think he got annoyed by all the coughing.

But, on the up side, I am now mostly better, back at work, and still not blue.

Binge Blogging

August 19, 2010 9 comments

So needing to write another blog post has been weighing on my mind for ages, and I haven’t gotten around to it for all the same reasons listed below.

My last post (over a month ago now) was on Procrastination and Rationalization.  Oh, the irony!

(really, this is at the MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!! level of irony)

It seems that I belong to the binge school of blogging.  If you’ve been around this blog you know what I’m talking about–I’ll be off the radar for a week or two, and then I’ll go back and read all of your blogs, comment on all the posts I’ve missed, respond to my own comments, and finally write another post.  You know who you are–you’re about to get a month’s worth of comments on your blogs!

Just counting how many of your posts I have to read to get up to speed is making me blush!  (Bethany, Lua, Rosemary–seriously?  You’re putting me to shame!)

The thing is, I’m like this with most things in life.  I was like this in University (you know, starting the term paper three days before the deadline and then not sleeping for two nights straight).  I’m like this with dieting (I eat chocolate and muffins until it becomes impossible to breathe in my jeans and I resemble a muffin myself, then switch to salads and lengthy runs around the park).  I’m even like this with laundry (you know, I’m out of clean knickers and down to my last pair of bikini bottoms before I do five loads straight).  I’m like this with my MS (nothing, then I get a burst and write a bunch of chapters).

Copyblogger calls this being a Sprinter, and I thought…totally not true copyblogger, when I run I’m pretty slow, but I can go for a long time.  Which means, I suppose, that there’s a bit of endurance runner and sprinter in all of us.  The trick is finding balance.

I’m (obviously) still working on it.  Suggestions welcome.

On rationalization and procrastination

Okay, so clearly it’s been a while since I’ve written a post.  And here’s a big list of all my excuses:

1) I was moving flats (clearly necessary to avoid stabbing, being devoured by mice, or similar)

2) I had to do work for clients (you know, the people who pay the rent in my new, non-mouse-infested flat)

3) I had to catch up with old friends (after many texts and emails with lots of scary capital letters and excessive punctuation using scary words like “intervention”)

4)  London has been sunny (okay, so I totally had to sit outside because London is NEVER sunny and this was perhaps my last chance to soak up and store some sun so I don’t die of vitamin D deficiency or similar come autumn)

5) I had to apply for jobs (yes, still, and some job applications are like NOVELS with the notable exception that novels are actually quite fun and interesting and job applications most certainly are NOT)

6) I had a MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!! and was, understandably, unable to write coherent sentences thereafter

So.  This is a lovely bit of rationalization.  And it isn’t good enough.  But I do this all the time, with this blog and–scarily–with my current WIP.  But there is no excuse for letting something that matters so much to me to slide for so long!

What do you think, blogger friends?  How do you beat the procrastination and rationalization bug?

Also…an aside: I wanted to give credit to Bill Waterson for the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip above.  Because, let’s face it, Calvin and Hobbes was brilliant and the “funnies” just aren’t the same any more.  But I couldn’t find an official site.  Best I can do is tell you to buy the books here. I have all the books.  If you don’t, you should buy them because they are amazing and you’ll smile for months.  (Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with Calvin and Hobbes or publishers, booksellers, or similar but I totally wish I was because, as I said, they are amazing)

Londoners, you rock!

June 24, 2010 8 comments

So I was on the tube today, minding my own business and being kinda after-work-grouchy (also it is actually WARM in London, which should be lovely but means that the tube is like a SAUNA only instead of the lovely woody-aromatherapy steam it’s BO-armpit steam which is not nearly as nice), when a bunch of football idiots climbed onto the tube in their football colours and sang some foreign anthem REALLY LOUD the ENTIRE WAY.  And I sat very quiet and very still while I had a little private MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!!

They even had a whistle-thingie.  And they were being LOUD and OBNOXIOUS on purpose just to annoy everyone, and you could feel the everyone in the entire carriage think that they were SO UNLUCKY to be in this particular carriage.

And this is what I love most about Londoners…

No one even looked their way.

Londoners, you guys are AWESOME.  We all know that all the shouting idiots wanted was for someone to look at them the wrong way, or to get angry, or to say something, or to ACKNOWLEDGE their sorry excuse for an existence.  They wanted to get a rise out of people and NOT ONE PERSON gave them the satisfaction.  I have never seen an entire tube carriage so interested in their newspapers.  Never seen people so intent on listening to their iPods (okay, they were totally just pretending to listen because I had my iPod volume full blast and still couldn’t hear anything above the shouting–but they were GREAT at pretending).

Ha!  Take that you annoying tube-shouters!  You are TOO BORING for us to EVEN NOTICE YOU!  Only in London could a group of strangers pull together so quickly without exchanging a single word.

Okay, so now I think I sound old and snarky but if you were there your head would have exploded as well.

OH MY GOD I HAVE NO INTERNET!

June 20, 2010 4 comments

Okay, so obviously I have internet NOW, but I was without for a while and had to console myself by writing this OFFLINE in WORD:

OH MY GOD I HAVE NO INTERNET!  I don’t know how I am going to survive I cannot do anything when I am not on the internet.  I can’t even write stuff because I need the INTERNET to research stuff to write about.

HOW DID ANYONE SURVIVE BEFORE INTERNET?

MASSIVE HEAD EXPLOSION!!!

I believe these pre-internet beings (PIB) went to an ancient construction located in a central area accessible to all the PIBs in the tribe.  This primitive construction housed the history, the secrets, even the stories of their ancestors.   This construction was known as a Library.

The PIBs would gather reverently in the library to learn the secrets of generations.  It was a place of honour and respect.  Talking, laughing, and loud noises of any kind were strictly forbidden.  Special elders of the tribe would preside over the Library and swiftly punish any who failed to respect this holy place.  These elders were known as Librarians.

Librarians were keepers of much wisdom, and were revered among the tribe.  The librarians were responsible for many great teachings, and also held the key to ancient recordings of the history and stories of the PIB tribe.  All the ancient stories were documented into separate clusters of parchment and passed down through the generations.  These recordings were known as Books.

Books came in many forms.  Some documented the history of the tribe.  These were called Encyclopaedias.  Some kept record of the tribal language.  These were called Dictionaries.  Some told of the history of the chiefs, elders, and significant tribal members.  These were known as Biographies.  Others told of the myths and legends of the tribe.  These were known as Novels.

And all the PIBs dedicated themselves to writing and reading these books, which held the secret to both their past and their future.

And one day the peaceful lives of the PIBs were interrupted by the news of a new invention that would allow them to get all this history, all this knowledge, all these stories, without ever leaving their own dwelling.  Internet.

But instead of using internet to spread their knowledge, the IBs (Internet Beings) used the new invention to watch videos of cats playing the piano.

This is why my manuscript is only half-finished.  Stupid Internet.  I vow that from now on I will turn off my browser and work seriously on—

Oh goodie!  Internet’s back!  I wonder if anyone’s posted any good cat videos on YouTube lately…